Hi, friends!

It has been quite some time since my last post. As you can imagine, it is difficult to find a place to sit on the internet for more than a couple minutes. I started working on an entry last night that should be posted here very soon. In the meantime...

A lovely young woman (inside and out) named Nina recently did an Icebreaker Speech in the Toastmasters group I attend,and she has given me permission to share with you all. It touched me deeply. You may have to read through a little bit to understand why. Here is the full text:

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Toastmasters Speech (9.2)
All About Zombies ...
by Nina Lindsey
September 2, 2011

Thank you Mr. President, distinguished guests and fellow Toastmasters,

I come to you today to speak about a topic that is so life changing, so intricate and so taboo that it is rarely talked about in such distinguished company. I am here to talk about zombies.

Now, I am not just the ZMBEGRL – I am really the Bard of Zombies. I love everything about zombies. I love the original zombie that you may have seen in early movies like George A. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. These zombies are slow, focused and hungry. I love the new zombies, seen in the 2004 Dawn of the Dead remake and other movies like 28 Weeks Later. These zombies are fast, crazy and still hungry. And I love what we call “Zombies with Jobs.” These are zombies who were killed “in the line of duty” so to speak and have been resurrected still wearing their work uniforms. These could be police officers, gas station attendants, cheerleaders and, my personal favorite, the zombie bride.

Now, I have been married and divorced twice and so I hold a special place in my heart for the zombie bride. Because as a bride and wife, I often felt like a zombie. Stumbling through my days with not enough sleep because I was lying awake at night wishing someone would just blow my brains out. And it was in this way, I became very interested in the societal implications of the zombie. And I came up with 3 metaphors for how I use the zombie to reflect on my own life.

The first is that the defining characteristic of a zombie is an insatiable need to feed. Zombies can never get enough brains. They don’t sleep, they don’t get full and they don’t stop eating. Zombies don’t stop to think “Should I eat this brain? I already had 3 meals today and they have all been fast food since they were running away from me.” In a lot of ways, most of us share this quality. We can never consume enough – what we consume is different (hopefully we’re not eating brains) but whether it’s eating, drugs, alcohol, sex, work or shopping, we are a culture of excess. (Shopping is an interesting one because we shop without regard for what we actually need. Which as a side note is why many zombie movies take place in shopping malls – it’s a social commentary on the concept of excess and desire).

The second metaphor is how we interact with the zombie. Zombie movies are known for their blood, gore and incessant murder. Generally, you are either a zombie or you’re not. If you’re not a zombie, chances are you are obsessed with killing them before they eat you. But, the zombies aren’t different from us. At one point, they were us. And so how do we interact with the parts of ourselves that have become gross, wounded and unmanageable? Well, in zombie movies and I think in real life, we become obsessed with killing them. We go out of our way to hide our association with those qualities – we pretend they don’t exist.

The last metaphor is similar to the previous one but it brings out a more global perspective. Not only do we hide, kill, maim or just plain ignore parts of ourselves that are bloody and gross – we also hide, kill, maim or just plain ignore parts of our society that are uncomfortable for us. In zombie circles there is a very direct and interesting correlation between zombies and homelessness. Homeless people are treated like the modern day zombies of our society. We quarantine them, we hide them away, we shun them because they consume precious resources and we de-value them to the point that we kill them spiritually.

Now, I realize that things just got a little bit heavy in here. And I went back and forth about that and finally decided that it’s important to me that people know that yes, I have an unnatural love for the dead and the undead. Loving zombies is a bit of a quirky hobby. But it’s one that I take very seriously for exactly the reasons I shared above. Zombies, to me, are more than just undead cannibals looking for their next meal. They are me. They are us. And I am committed to embracing the parts of myself and my community that are dirty and uncomfortable. Because, zombie or not, we all have value.
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Bravo, Nina! Bravo!

Ballroom Dancing Empowers Us!

A short video I am in (grey shirt, dancing; pink shirt, speaking). This video explains why holistic programs at the Lodestar Day Resource Center really are needed in the fight to end homelessness.

The Greatest Loss

Its not about a house. Its not about a car or a job, or even money. All of those things certainly do make life easier and more enjoyable, sure. But in comparison to all a homeless person has lost, those losses are miniscule. The greatest loss a homeless individual faces is the loss of self.

So much of who we perceive ourselves to be is wrapped up in what we do for work, where we live, how we commute, and what activities we can afford to indulge in for fun. Those things have become a big part of WHO we are. Is it any wonder these things are so important in our sense of self? Surnames were established to differentiate one "John" from another as far back as the 1100's for European countries and maybe further back in Asian lands. These surnames told what a person did for a living (Smith was a blacksmith) or where they were from, which would indicate class distinction. We learned through the generations that these things were of high importance to our identity. What a shame that is when you wake up one day to find you have lost it all.

Before my illness set in, I was a successful Buyer/Planner for a large corporation, trusted to spend millions of dollars and relied on to save millions of dollars more. I was a Super Mom to my kids, having a homemade dinner on the table at 6:00 every evening, and helping them maintain their honor roll grades. I was the "caregiver" to my siblings and their children, dropping everything to help them when they needed something. I was needed, and wanted, by many people.

In a matter of a year, I went from being an independent, strong, and giving individual to someone who needed the kindness of others to help me survive. So who am I now?

For a while, I wasn't sure. My sense of self was torn to shreds. My self esteem was low, and my dignity was at risk of being lost forever. Today, thanks to the help of people and programs at the Lodestar Day Resource Center, I am once again me. I have learned the hard way that what you do, where you live, and how much you have doesn't make you WHO you are. In spite of all that I lost, I am a valuable person and have much to contribute to our society. I am worthy of love, respect, and dignity. I still don't have a place of my own in which to dwell, but I now know that homeless does not mean hopeless.

Who would you be if just one crisis stripped you of everything you have?

Sounds Simple...

"Why don't homeless people just get a job?" The answer to that question is as unique to each individual as their personal stories are.

Some individuals simply can't work, due to physical or mental disability. If they do receive Social Security benefits, it usually isn't enough to match the cost of living. Some who qualify for SSI or SSDI have not yet been approved for benefits. They may be awaiting a decision by Soc. Sec., or have been denied and are awaiting an appeal hearing, which takes between 12 to 24 months on average (as is my case). Others may be overwhelmed or confused by the process and don't know where to begin.

It may or may not surprise you to know that an estimated 1 of 4 homeless persons is employed full or part time. Many of these individuals are seeking more gainful employment, as the job they hold does not pay enough for them to afford rent, utilities, and even the most basic necessities. In this economy, the need for affordable housing far outweighs availability of low cost apartments or homes. Of homeless persons receiving some sort of income, either from work or Social Security, the median income is only $300 per month. (Source: U.S. Department of Housing & Urban Development).

I'm sure you have read in newspapers or watched on TV all the buzz about unemployment benefits lately. Sadly, there may soon be many more homeless individuals among us. According to a recent report from MSNBC, there are six unemployed people, on average, for each available job in America. That's a tough market for anyone, but when you are homeless, there are unique obstacles to overcome before you can pound the pavement looking for work and even after getting hired. Where will you shower? Will you have clean clothes? How will you afford bus fare each day? How will potential employers reach you for an interview? What address and phone number will you use on an application? (I would like to take a moment to say that in Phoenix, AZ we are very fortunate to have places like The Human Services Campus, and Lodestar Day Resource Center and all the services housed there. *Note at bottom of this post.)

Illnesses or injuries may lead to job loss. Recovery may happen, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. If the extent of their illness or injury is severe enough, they may not be able to return to the same type of work they did before. They may need to learn new skills in order to successfully function in another job. Imagine being a skilled carpenter all your life and losing a limb. Returning to the workforce in a field that requires customer service skills, or computer skills may be extremely difficult.

It is estimated that between 20 and 25% of homeless individuals have a debilitating mental illness, such as Schizophrenia, Depression, Bipolar Disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. These individuals need professional services and sometimes medication, often on an ongoing basis. Some don't even recognize that they have a mental illness, and don't seek or receive help. Their thoughts, actions, and feelings make perfect sense to them, even if it doesn't make sense to others. It is their version of normal.

Some homeless individuals need to learn coping skills before they can enter/re-enter the workforce. For most, homelessness is not the problem; rather, it is a symptom of a larger issue. I would guess, from my experience talking to my peers, that many of us are overcoming traumatic experiences that have altered, or delayed the development of healthy coping strategies and social skills that are essential to any job. If job placement is obtained before these issues are dealt with, job loss is almost sure to quickly follow, leading them back into homelessness and damaging their psyche further. Some things that cause a person to be emotionally and psychologically unwell are: Physical/sexual/psychological abuse either as a child or adult, loss of familial or spousal relationships, addiction and alcoholism (the individual's and/or that of a loved one), long term exposure to poverty, and incarceration/institutionalization. The causes are many, and this list only scratches the surface. An emotional injury requires emotional healing, and we often need help with that.

Sometimes I feel as though I could write a book and never cover everything. I hope this post answers the question that is so frequently (and thoughtlessly) asked in society. "Why don't they just get a job?" Because some can't, some have one (or two), and for others, a job is just a quick and temporary fix, not a true solution.

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The Human Services Campus and Lodestar Day Resource Center house a large number of oraganizations and programs that help to meet the individual and group needs of homeless individuals in Phoenix, AZ. The Human Services Campus (www.humanservicescampusaz.org) and Lodestar Day Resource Center (www.lodestardrc.org) provide us with access to services that address our physical, mental, and emotional needs. They are an exceptional model for what can be done to address and resolve the issue of homelessness everywhere. While they are a Godsend to the us and the whole community, there is more work to be done as long as homelessness still exists.

Invisible No More

Most of us have seen, either in real life or in media portrayals, the stereotypical homeless man on the corner of Main Street, USA. You recognize him by his disheveled, dirty appearance, his unkempt hair and beard, his dingy clothing. There may be a impenitently unhidden brown-bagged bottle laying on the ground nearby as he holds a cleverly crafted (sometimes down-right poetic) cardboard sign asking for whatever you can spare.

We have heard stories of men holding "Will work for food" signs, who upon being offered food in exchange for honest work, decline to actually do anything and instead ask for a handout. We have also seen hidden video exposes that uncover presumably homeless beggars profiting off the kindness of others before walking down the block, getting into their cars and driving home after a long day of hustling sympathetic passersby. Most of us know that not all homeless individuals fit these molds, but our subconscious minds cannot let go of those images, and negative public opinions are formed.  Overcoming these stereotypes can feel like an insurmountable obstacle to the largest group of homeless persons, whom I refer to as the Invisible Homeless.
  
I live in Phoenix, AZ where the winters are mild and the weather feels more like spring than fall during the kick-off to the holiday season. It doesn't snow here, and the annual rainfall is below what most states get in any given season. Except for the summer months when the temperatures are in the triple digits daily,  the climate here is welcoming to those who enjoy being outdoors. It is also better for those who have no choice.

  
If you were to walk around in the downtown area on any given day, you'll most likely see more than a couple homeless individuals. Even if they are not sleeping on a bench, asking for money, or spotted drinking from a brown bag, they are easy to spot. They, in some way or another fit the stereotype. They have an obvious appearance of homelessness. Some people can't help but look, or even stare, out of either pity, disapproval, disdain or disgust . Some try in vain to ignore their existence for all the same reasons. The fact remains, you see them. What about the ones you don't see? The Invisible Homeless.


   They are among you;  waiting for a bus, going to work, looking for work, standing in line next to you,  or maybe just taking a break from their harsh reality by walking around in the beautiful chaos of city life. You have even had casual conversations or exchanged niceties with them. But you still don't see them. They are invisible.  No, I haven't gone mad. I don't mean they are invisible by standard, literal definition of the word. I never said you can't see them, I said you don't. You can't tell they are homeless by looking at them or talking with them. They are clean. They are sober. They are respectful. They are intelligent and educated.  They are just like you, but fell on hard times. They are statistically a more accurate representation of homelessness than those who fit the homeless stereotype.


   In difficult times, it is one's dignity and self esteem that enables them to keep moving forward, to overcome obstacles that seem insurmountable. Hurtful words and lack of compassion add the burden of shame to an already heavy heart.  The stigma of homelessness causes them to keep quiet about their plight. Negative public opinion toward homelessness alienates these people from the communities they helped build.

   How do I know? Because I am one of them, and I walk among you every day.  People smile and say, "Good morning" when we pass on the sidewalk. They engage me in small talk when we are waiting for the lightrail. Some have even asked me to lunch, and not because they know I am hungry.  I am treatred with the same dignity and respect everyone deserves, because people don't know I am homeless.

   We are not looking for a handout, but we need a hand up. We aren't asking for the change in your pocket, we are asking for change in society.